Congratulations, wishes ✍️

Not every Thanksgiving sentiment needs to be heartfelt—some are better served with a side of sarcasm and a generous helping of humor. Whether you’re dodging awkward family questions or just trying to survive the group text, these are for the people who like their gratitude with a punchline.

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• May your turkey be moist, your relatives be chill, and your pants have stretch.
  
• Wishing you a drama-free dinner and a pie that doesn’t require emotional support.
  
• May your Thanksgiving be full of carbs and free of unsolicited life advice.
  
• Here’s to surviving another holiday without flipping the table.
  
• Grateful for elastic waistbands and the mute button.
  
• May your family forget your most embarrassing story—just for today.
  
• Wishing you a feast so good you forget how weird your uncle is.
  
• May your gravy be thick and your small talk be thin.
  
• Thankful for wine, Wi-Fi, and the ability to fake a phone call when needed.
  
• May your leftovers last longer than your patience.